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Couch Advice #90814 – I Love Her, But Do I Love Me?

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Dear Couch Advice,

I fear pain like no other person on this universe. I have a great fear of pain. Physical, psychological, and emotional. You might think that I am normal…but I don’t think I am because of the levels that I take to avoid it.

Three years ago, I met this lady at a comic con convention.  She teaches at my community college. She teaches math. She is beautiful, and intelligent. I think she would make a great mother to my son Doug. He is 8.

Even though she is perfect in my eyes, I am terrified of heart break. I think about asking her out to make it official. Then I think about what if she says yes, than rejects me. I take it further and think, what if we date,and she dumps me. As I was walking from work today because my pick up truck broke down I thought….what if we get married, and she asks me for a divorce! That’s when I stopped myself and thought that maybe I was a bit paranoid.

I enjoy this person a lot, but I am terrified of being left alone. Well, not left alone, I am terrified of losing her. But I do not have her yet.  She say she like me, and wants to be with me, but I feel like she deserve better than me. She say that despite my current situation of money that I owe because of a failed business that I opened two years ago, she sees a good man in me and that is enough for her. But do I believe it? No sir. I am scared.

I wait for your advice.

Thank You.


Dear Awesome Person Who Is Scared,

I am happy to see how this blog is read by such a diverse population with people from all different backgrounds, and walks of life. Thanks for reaching out to me. I can see that you are under quite some stressed. I will be writing an article within the next couple of weeks concerning generalized anxiety disorder. It might be something you should consider looking into.

It takes a lot of bravery to write so candidly like you did. I commend you greatly for that. I am very impressed with your style of expressing your feelings. You might not have the best tools to deal with them, but you sound very expressive which is a great first step towards dealing with any problem.

There are a couple of concerns that come to mind when I read your letter. The first one is that you might not be in a healthy place to engaged in a relationship. These fears that you have are valid, but they don’t fit into a normal pattern of fear. When I say this, I say it very tactfully because I do not want you to think that I am saying you are not normal. I am saying that your mechanism of processing them at the moment is not at it’s up most level of maturity and that could hurt you and others around you.

My best advice is for you to get yourself ready in order to be in a great and solid relationship.

The part that I found most encouraging was that you have a son. You seem like a great father that is looking for the best way to form a family structure for Max. That brings me great comfort because it shows an enormous level of responsibility acknowledgement from you. My concern is that these life traps and fears that you are expressing are being transferred over to Doug, and later on developing unhealthy mental patterns for him.

So I want to encourage you to seek psychological help.

I will personally refer to you several psychologist in your area that can help if you decide to email me your designated area, and or I can refer you to friends of mine who do psych therapy via internet to increase anonymity, and convenience for your schedule.

I hope you find encouragement in the fact that if you take the right steps, this woman, and many other women will find you as a potential mate who is a great catch. I know that you have expressed specifically that this is the one that you want, and that she is very interested in you. Imagine if she liked you now with all your un-dealt life traps, how much more will she enjoy your company as someone who is actively working to be a better individual in society.

The best of you is yet to come. Please write back with whatever decision you decide so that I can enjoy seeing your progress, and maybe even be part of it.
Best wishes,
The Doctor’s Couch Advice – LizardoMD

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