Dear Couch Doctor,
I am 21 years old. Recent college grad with a degree in an economics. I just landed my first job as an analyst at company where my dad is a manager. I am also about to move out of my parents house in order to get a small place of my own with some friends I met in my fraternity. Since I was little, and can remember, I have been attracted to older women. In college, I would frequent bars and pursue woman much older than I am, but none of them really paid attention to me. Recently, I have been talking to someone that works at the convenience store close to my house. She is 42, has a 12 year old son, and is single. I am not sure I want to be a step-dad at the moment, but I do enjoy the attention I get from her. We get each other. We are a match for sure. It’s so wrong that we are 19 years apart. I am considering asking her to make it official on social media, and introducing her to my parents. What would be the best way to go about it?
Write back soon,
UCLA for life!
Dear Recent Grad,
Thanks for writing into my blog. I am glad that you are seeking the advice of others in order to make the best decisions, as you are in a transition period of your life.
Please understand that your concerns are valid, and that your feelings should always be regarded as true. At the same time its best to analyze the “whys” and the “should I” of the things that you are about to do. I do believe age is nothing but a number when it comes to dating older people. Likewise, it is best to gauge maturity, and life experiences in a potential relationship before pursuing them. I too dated an older woman in my past. I believe I spoke about it in a previous blog on how I dated my high school teacher, when I was in grad school. In my case, she was a bit less than 10 years older than I am. In your case, its almost 20. Not to discourage you on the potential outcome, but if you read the blog post, she is the blue one for a reason. You are about to experience living outside of your parents house, with more responsibilities, and priorities. She might be done with that phase, and is simply looking for someone that she can enjoy some nights off with, but also create a stable environment for her son. Do you think you can offer that on your current situation? You mentioned at one point that you did not want to be a step dad. I am not sure you have the maturity to be one either. In this case, analyze what is it about her that makes you feel comforted, and loved if you were to be in a relationship with her. And pursue those qualities in woman closer to your age, where you can enjoy the freedoms of growth and maturity in your 20’s without the responsibility of raising a child.
I wish you the best, and know that in love there are no wrong answers or paths. But there is a consequence to each decision. May you chose wisely, and until you do, keep this secret away from your parents.
-LizardoMD – The Couch Doctor